We need to talk. This is a conversation that has been a long time coming. Actually, I need to talk to you, because it seems as if you have a tendency to dominate the conversation. Our relationship is complex to say the least. Sometimes you are so in sync with reality, and other times you create your own reality that is non-existent to everyone else but me. You dictate my actions, and provide direction, and I rely on you, which sometimes leads me with clarity to my pathway of purpose and other times to dead ends filled with confusion. Whenever good is on the horizon, you always remind me of all of the negative possibilities. It is as if you are afraid to have faith and go 100% because if you brace yourself it seemingly won’t hurt as bad if it doesn’t work out, I attribute this to your pride and ego. Because you are so smart, you never like to be wrong or hurt at any cost. As you think the worst, subsequently my expectation is minimized and I attract the worst possible scenario and you say “I told you so.” You would rather be secure and right in a bad situation than risk being vulnerable and expecting positive outcomes. This pseudo security is a poor cover for your insecurities.
This strategy has gotten us nowhere, and you know as well as I do, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior while expecting different results. So no more bracing for the worst and creating negative realities that don’t existent, no more playing out scenarios that are driven by fear, because ultimately we know you have power, and if you dwell on fear, which is spirit not given by God it will attract negativity. If only you would focus on faith, we would not talk about the next dimension, but would perpetually dwell there. My entire attitude, demeanor, behavior and disposition is contingent on what you think. You have the ability to conjure up the shadiest schemes, to the extent that when you sin, you can’t call it “backsliding”, or plead insanity, because it was premeditated. There is a problem if you are thinking of your plan of repentance prior to your sin.
It’s not all your fault. I take responsibility. The truth is you are a product of what I feed you. Sometimes because I don’t want to be alone with you, I turn on the TV to anesthetize you, because I know when you and I are in the presence of God, we are always inspired and constantly challenged to be bigger than we are, to embrace greatness. You keep telling me “it’s only a little…” A little television, a little face book, a little conversation, a little secular music, When all of these “littles” are put together they become a lot. You are right these things aren’t sinful in and of themselves and often can help keep me grounded and balanced, but when not mingled with a little prayer, a little consecration, and a little bible reading (not the kind you do professionally to prepare to speak or to write a paper) you become a vacuum for negativity. So En Vogue, I hope you are right on this one, I am going to free my mind, with the expectation that the rest will follow. A new mind will produce a new me, that will house the capacity to embrace a new year filled with possibility.
I am frustrated with you at times to say the least; I am tired of the fluctuation that occurs in our relationship. At times I would love to severe our relationship, but the fact remains, I need you. I really need you, because when you are in sync with God, and His word, we are unstoppable. You are beautiful and creative. You never cease to amaze me. You find ways to express what my heart desires to convey to others. You entertain me; there are some flights when you simply amuse me for hours. At times you are brilliant. While I am often a prisoner of your analysis, you often liberate the sentiments of my heart to be conveyed to others. So God elevate my mind, my thoughts to your thoughts, and my ways to your ways. I choose faith over fear. I choose to think the best in every situation. I am loosing my mind, and I am realizing that sometimes you have to loose it, to renew it. Transform me by the renewing of my mind; this is my prayer in Jesus name.